Boot Hill

An RPG Experience

The following document is unedited transcript from Santoonie Corporations Boot Hill role playing game participated by several Santoonies and some twelve anonymous online guests from January 1, 2001 to October 15, 2001. The story is called, The Hunt for Carlos Diego. Enjoy!

The Hall of the Fire Giant King

Added 3/1/05

Here also is the only bit I could find from a similiar play by post game for Star Trek Comedy. The following episode stars The Baron as Bob Jones and Jaymo as Roland Tricket. Rynder and others were played by annonymous online guests, we have no clue who they were. Here is the scene:

Huge doors open to the enormous hangar that houses the two primary impulse engines of the U.S.S Paragon. The engines are entrenched within a extensive array of walkways and engineering stations. Red Shirted engineers pace back and forth, there is always a sense of emergency here. The pulsing sounds can be ear-splitting for persons not accustomed to the noise of various instruments and monitoring devices. The occassional Beep and loud Ping disrupts normal communication in the main area. Smoke is not uncommon as well, stemming from outborn gases from the engines. A spark flies off a convertor and creates a small fire, but an engineer quickly extinguishes the blaze with his foot,.... the engineer's here, experts in the field. Chief Engineer Rynder stepped out of the lift onto one of the catwalks, struck a dramatic poise, and proudly looked out over engineering. The affect was ruined when nobody bothered to look at him. He passed by the engineer putting out the fire, and stopped, aghast. What kind of amateurs were they graduating from the Academy now? Even though he was slightly intoxicated, he could still recognize bad engineering when he saw it. He tapped the engineer on his shoulder, "In the future, use the left foot to put out fires, not the right. The right foot is for kicking things when they don't work. Remember: left for fires, right for kicking." As Rynder walked about, managing the department, he suddenly realized that he hadn't had a drink for fifteen minutes. He then walked into his office, sat down at his desk, opened the drawer, removed a flask and drank from it until his hands stopped shaking. As soon as he was feeling slightly better, Rynder sent for his second in command. As soon as he or she arrived, he asked, "Now, their are two important things on the agenda. One: give me an updated status report on our dilithium crystal shortage, and two: tell me who I can blame for the shortage so I'll be able to have a scapegoat when the captain or first officer asks me why we've run out." While waiting for the answer, he took another swig from his flask. The engineer quickly calls out for the engineer in charge, "Hey Bobby!" In the distance..."Yeahhh?" "Boss wants to see ya." A moment passes then, then your 1st Engineer, Robert, approaches.. "Yeah, boss? Oh, the dilethium crystals, yeah, well,...we real low boss. We can make another 30 Quadrameters at a minimul of warp factor 3. It's not my fault sir, I put in a requisition for em a month ago, didn't you get it, I left it on your desk?" "Sir, Might I suggest that we shut power and coast to our mission?" "That would buy us some time to find out how we can arrange getting more crystals." As the conversation thickens, the engineers begin to crowd around, at least thirty waiting for your response. Rynder glanced at his desk, there was a pile of paper and datadisks about three feet deep. "I'm sure that requisition order is in there somewhere. Really, in the future, just remember this little policy. If somebody has the time to write something down rather than tell you himself, it's obviously not important," he took another swig from his flask, "Now, *hic* about your idea to coast, I think it's absolutely *hic* brilliant and I was about to suggest it myself. You go implement it and I'll tell the captain." "Yes Sir, Right away sir!" says Robert. He turns, "Okay men, don't just stand there, let's kill those engines. You heard the captain." There is a rejoicing among the engineers, for they knew, no engines meant lots of time to meander. Two security guards enter and take posts next to the door. They hold their hands behind their backs and smile at passers-by. On occassion the guard will wave. After finishing off the remainder of whiskey in his flask, Rynder tapped his communicator to give the announcement. "*hic* Shipwide announcement. Attention, this is Chief Engineer Rynder. In a few *hic* minutes, the engines will be going offline and we will be coasting to our destination. This mean that they *hic* will not be turned on, which means they won't be working. This is due to a lack of dilithium *hic* crystals and a lot of other technical reasons that you won't understand except for the members *hic* of the science department. But the only thing *hic* you have to know is that it's not my fault." INTERCOM "captain Kirky, This is Lt. Bunni Jones. Could you come down here to security for a minute. Not vader, not anybody else, we need you and flem down here right now, we have a psycho running loose thinking he's cheif of security. It's urgent, captain, Def Maj Ursal and I cannot stres this enough. thank you." INTERCOM "Attention all SECURITY personnel, this is Bob Jones..all security personnel excluding Bunni Jones and Major Ursal are to report to me immediately in the security office..to those that have just been given assignments, disregard and report to the security office a.s.a.p." INTERCOM "Attention all security personnel excluding Bunni Jones & Major Ursal...RUN, I REPEAT..RUN TO THE SECURITY OFFICE AT ONCE!" The two security guards who just walked in, immediately turn around and head back out after hearing the announcements. "Arrghhhh, why does that damn red alert siren have to be so loud?!" shouted Rynder as he clutched his head. The alarm continued blaring, so he rooted around in his desk, produced a bottle of whiskey and threw it at the intercom in his office. It was a very accurate through for a man in his condition (I.E. slightly drunk and hungover) and it smashed on the intercom. This, in itself, wouldn't affect the intercom, but the whiskey inside the bottle seaped into the intercom and short circuited it, thus silencing the siren in his office. "Ah, blessed silence," Rynder said. Then he thought for a minute. Red alert. That meant there was trouble somewhere on or out of the ship. He stood up, walked to the door and shouted, "ROBERT! WHERE WAS RED ALERT SOUNDED FROM?" then winced. The affects of all the whiskey he had drunken yesterday were starting to catch up with him. Robert yells back, "I'll tap in now sir,.." After several moments, "Sickbay sir." "Right, if it's an internal alert, then it's probably an engineering *hic* problem, and thus, requires the best to see to it." said Rynder, "Now, where's my radiation suit?" Several minutes later Rynder had tried to outfit himself in the standard engineering emergency outfit, but failed since he A: Couldn't find it, and B: Was unable to figure out how to get in it when Robert found it for him. So he had someone else put him in it. The suit was the ultimate in engineering protective technology. It could protect against the vacuum of space, radiation, heat, cold, fire, electricity, lasers and cheese based food products. He was carrying his favorite tool kit (the one in which the oil can was replaced with a whiskey bottle). "Robert, look after *hic* engineering while I'm gone, I should be back soon since my technical skills and knowledge of the ship are unsurpassed" he told him, then stepped into the turbolift. "Sickbay," he said. The turbolift stayed put. "Sickbay, sickbay, SICKBAY!" "Uh, sir. This is a red alert. The turbolifts don't work." "I knew that!" he snapped back as he stepped out and headed towards the stairs, "I was just *hic* making sure you knew. Yeah, that's *hic* it, just making *hic* sure you realized that's why it wasn't working." Bob Jones enters the engineering section at the head of 26 armed security guards pushing a cart full of cigarettes... "All right boys, we are going to have to set up a command post here. I want all security personnel to report to me here from now on. From now on, engineering is engineering/security lounge." "all those who are low on cigarettes please form a line now for distrubution. Also complimentary cigars will be passed out." "I want ensign Xavier Gohead & William Turk posted outside of the door to engineering. The engineers are shocked at the amount of armed security men, but they continue playing poker in the corner having shut the engines down moments before. The officer in charge for the moment, approaches, "What is going on here?! Chief Rynder has stepped out momentarily. You can't just set up a command post here?! I mean, where are we to work? I'm contacting Rynder now if you don't mind..." he says as he goes to the intercom unit. Bob Jones says to the engineering assistant "Please do contact him, and have him report here immediately, I have something for him." To the men he says: "all right boys smoke em if ya got em, and you got plenty!" Rynder stomped into the engine room, stomped past all the security guard and engineers then stomped into his office where he proceeded to remove his emergency protection suit. As soon as it was off, he took a bottle of whiskey and drank it down. Feeling much calmer, after the alcohol, he went back out into the engine room and stopped being calm. "ROBERT!" he yelled, "What the *hic* hell are security guards doing in engineering? And they're smoking, can't they *hic* see those signs?" he shouted pointing at the signs on the wall that said, 'Please do not smoke, because getting whacked in the head with a monkey wrench often offends.' After receiving an explanation, he said in a much lower voice, "Okay Robert, I'm *hic* going to talk to their boss. Just in case I can't convice them to leave, get the boys ready for a fight." Then he walked over to Bob Jones and said, "Could you *hic* kindly explain to me what the hell you're thinking by trying to make the engine room the second security department?" "Mr. Rydner, good to see you..an unfortunate turn of events has forced me to set up a security command post in engineering..do not be troubled..here, I have something for you." with that Bob Jones grabs a bottle of whiskey from the supply cart and hands it to Rynder. "Here, this ought to keep you in good spirits." "I brew my own alcohol and I won't be bribed. I do have some integrity, you know. Not much, I admit, but it is there. Let's get a few things straight. This is the engine room, you can tell that because there are these engines here, and the sign above the door says 'Engine Room.' Somewhere else in the ship is the security department, which you can recognize by all of the phaser toting psychos there. Engineers should be in the engine room, security should be in the security department. Your men are security guards, not engineers. You get what I'm saying? Now, to summarize, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ENGINE ROOM!" "Well, unfortunately out of necessity I will be your guest for a while so lets make the best of it..you continue to drink, and me and the boys will continue to smoke.." "oh by the way, I'll take that back then." and with that Bob Jones snatches the whiskey back from Rynder. "Fine then," Rynder said, "if that's how you want it, excuse me for a minute," then he walked over to the engineers who were gathering around at the other end of the engine room, holding a variety of blunt engineering instruments. "Okay boys," he said, "I was unable to talk any sense into Mr Bob Jones over there, so that means it's time to beat some sense into him. Get into position, you'll know when to start. Tell Mad MacTavish the Mauler that they were making jokes about his kilt." One general rule about Mad MacTavish was that if a eight foot tall man who used a tree trunk as a club wanted to wear a kilt, it's best not to make jokes about it. The engineers moved around the engine room, quietly, until they were in position. They did this since there was nothing else to do at the moment and anyway, engineers never needed much encouragment to get into a good fight. In the meantime, Rynder retrieved his toolkit and removed a tool that had a multitude of different uses, then walked back to Bob Jones. "Okay, Mr Jones," he said, "since it looks like we're going to share this room, I must feel it necessary to point out a basic fact. You see that no smoking sign up there? Well, your men did the first part, so my men will carry out the second part." And then he swung at Bob's head with his monkey wrench. The other engineers, who thought the same way as Rynder, were swinging at the security guards with wrenches, hammers, pipes and the seven thousand page manual on how to run the engines. The red shirted engineers begin to walk around and appear to be introducing themselves to their new 'friends'. The room is engulfed with a sea of red shirts and confusion is a given. Suddenly Sam Rynder yells "Now!" and the 'what appeared to be friendly engineers' turns into metal pipe, monkeywrench, hammer wielding berserkers. The first one to get hit is a guard standing next to Bob Jones, he gets a hammer right across his face and sends the man reeling back, although he was able to retain his phaser. In all, two guards are sucker punched and become incapacitated. One guard gets a large book hurled at him and he drops his phaser as he falls on the floor. Three engineers have fallen, apparently from extreme misses, and loss of balance. A casual observer would see a mesh of arms and tackles, a few blocks, lots of grappling as the two groups fight it out. Bob Jones yells as loud as he can: "all right boys, let the engineers have it!, phasers on whatever setting they are currently on..FIRE!" and with that Bob Jones executes the vulcan neck pinch on engineer Rynder... Rynder misses with a swing at Bob Jone's head. Bob Jones saw it coming and move a bit to his right. Jones then prepared a three finger grip, extending his fingers into a claw like position and tried to find his opponents neck. Rolan Tricket attempts the Vulcan Neck Pinch on the drunken chief engineer The monkey wrench in Rynder's hands missed Bob by a fraction of an inch, slightly due to Bob's quick reflexes as a highly trained security officer but mostly due to the fact that Rynder had consumed alcohol recently. As he recovered from his swing he yelled, "Okay men, grab those dropped phasers and let them have it." The engineers who had knocked down their foes dived for the phasers, except for Mad MacTavish the Mauler who grabbed the guard he had knocked down and started beating the nearest guard over the head with him. Rolled a 76 to hit and a 6 for initiative for next round. The surprise attack was unexpected, but now the security guards have successfully countered. The close quarter combat and crowd confusion, makes firing a phaser somewhat tricky but not impossible. As the guards try to step back enough to fire clear shots, the engineers are relentless and continue punching, brawling, swinging pipes, and basically trying to pulverize the unwanted guests. Mad Mac was the only one to do damage, he knocked out a guard that rush him, with one hit. The guard spun and fell to the ground. Bob Jones lunges at engineer Rynder from his right side with his arm extended, hand in position to clench Rynders neck.... The Gods must favor Rynder for Bob Jones has missed his target! The sounds of men fighting turns into blaster shots within seconds. The guards having waited for the right opportunity.. fire their phasers. Three engineers attempting to swing pipes, are stunned in there tracks and fall limp to the ground, their weapons clanging down around them. Another engineer goes down having been shot in the face. But in the mayhem, three guards were accidentaly shot, from bad aims and misses. Rolan Tricket reaches for chief Ryndar from the left side and barely misses contact Rynder tried to whack Bob across the jaw with his monkey wrench, but narrowly missed again. "I knew I should have waited before drinking that whiskey," Rynder muttered to himeslf as he brought his monkey wrench back into a ready position. Bob Jones takes careful aim at engineer Rynders neck! Rynder makes another swing at Bob's head, hoping that he would connect with something this time. Rynder though intoxicated beyond belief, is not hampered by the occassional kick and swing from nearby security and engineer brawls. Pushing aside passing asailants, Rynder swings his hefty wrench again straight down towards Bob Jones...and misses again, double vision a factor. The engineers continue fighting brilliantly, as if they had been waiting for such a chance for a long time..One of the engineers was able to fire a captured phaser and stuns a security guard! Mad Mac knocks another guard unconscious with savage hit. Several guards are hit and wounded, but keep fighting. And the wrench went by Bob's head and smashed into the ground. "Damn," Rynder muttered as he pulled the wrench back up, "Just stand still so I can hit you, okay?" This time Bob Jones takes careful aim and connects right in between Rynders collar bone and neck sending him into a comotose state! Phasers once again light up the room and it's getting hard to dodge their fire. A whopping six engineers are stunned, cutting their numbers in half, but what makes matters worse is the sight of their leader, Sam Rynder falling to his knees from two Vulcan neck pinches. He becomes brittle and falls face first on the deck, while two dark haired men, gleam with victory. Mad Mac is especially horrified, because he has heard the rumor about two simaltenous Vulcan neck pinches...COMA! Rolan Tricket attempts to make up for his bungled attempt to neck pinch Ryndar.Following up Bob Jones attack, he also connects on ryndars comatose form. Horrified at what the two security guards had just done to chief, Mad Mac was ready to kill someone, preferbly those two neck pinch idiots. Unfortunately, with the security guards outnumbering and outpowering his engineers, he couldn't exactly get at them at the moment. But there was something he could do to turn the tide of battle. "Hold them off, men!" he yelled as he threw the security guard he was holding at another security guard, then ran to the nearest computer terminal. "Activate repair bots!" he commanded. "Repair boys activated," responded the computer, "Please specify what needs to be repaired." Ducking to avoid a phaser blast, he said, "Repair all security guards in engine room." "Scanning... Scanning... Security guards located. Unfortunately, no file exists on how to repair security guards. Please specify proper procedure." "Security guards are repaired by whacking them on the head with a mallet until they fall down. All security guards who are standing up are broken." "Proper procedure noted and stored for future reference. Reparation of security guards is commencing." And with that, fifteen repair bots walked into the battle, wielding mallets, with fearsome battle cries of like: beep, scanning, faulty unit detected, repair initiated; and stand still so I can fix you. Mad Mac dove back into the fray, with a blood curdling scream, running towards Bob Jones and Rolan Tricket. Bob Jones now draws his phaser and takes careful aim at Mad Mac... Rolan draws his trusty phaser and attempts to fire at the charging lunatic Mad mac. Mad Mac threw a powerful uppercut at Bob Jones with his beef fists (like ham fists, only much bigger). OOC: Rolled a 6 for initiative and a 100 to hit. Guess that means I get him. I wonder what the odds of that happening are? Seeing the rampaging Mad Mac, I attempt to dodge while firing. Rolled a 4 for initiative, 84 to hit... ooc: A natural 100 has indicated that Mad Mac has severly injured his opponent, a dice roll will determine the extent of the injuries: (1-10 broken nose, 11-50 knocked unconcious for a period of 2 hours 51-75 knocked unconcisous for a period of 4 hours 76-90 coma for one day 91-95 coma one week 96-100 Death.) Here goes the roll: 13 Bob Jones is knocked unconscious for 2 hours. Taking careful aim at Mad Mac, Rolin Tricket fires phaser and hits him. Of course he has no idea what setting the phaser is on so he waits to see what happens... One engineer punches a guard in the face and kicks him in the stomach. The guard doubles over, and falls. The guards continue firing their phasers, and the rest of the engineers are stunned, some twice. But as the guards try desperately to regain oxygen, after heavy breathing, repair bots bearing large hammers begin to charge them. The guards are perplexed and a bit intimidated by 'violent' machines. One guard gets his face clawed, as the robot commences 'repair'. The robot starts by hammering his head twice, then screws the head on tighter with five clockwise 360 degree rotations. Three more guards get 'fixed' in similiar fashion. "Security guard - fixed." Mad Mac, in rage grabs Bob Jones and beats him like a rag doll, as Roland Tricket tries desperately to get a clean shot off on Mac. Finally after Mad Mac finishes with Bob Jones, and turns to face Roland, Roland fires! A clean shot and the big man falls to the floor stunned. The security guards form a circle near Roland Tricket, "Any suggestion Tricket!!!! " yells one of the guards. ooc: Until I can copy all the posts before deleting them, I will make a Engine Room 2 move to post continuation. Please continue posts from Engine room here... ooc: Time for initiative once again. I will roll for bots if Roland can roll for security. Highest roll of 1d6 goes first. The bots roll a 3. The engineer bots gain the advantage due to their slick wheel manueverability. The quickly roll up to the circle of guards around Rolan and begin fixing the guards. Two more guards are grabbed, hit twice with a mallet and then torqued to death. The sight being gruesome has elevated the fear in the remaining guards. "Rolan! We gotta do something quick!!" The guards begin to open fire with their phasers, while awaiting for any hopeful plan from Rolan, who was the best in the class of recent graduates. The phasers are having no effect on the bots. OOC: I hope I'm not going over anyone's head with this post, but I have to post something now that *both* of my characters have been knocked out. One of the phaser blasts hit Repair Robot 13, in it's trilaterial quantum memory bank. Since Repair Robot 13 had always had a slight fault in it's quantum memory bank, it tried to correct it unsuccesfully. This caused program file, I'm_screwed.exe to kick in, and the robot burst into flames. These flames set off the sprinkler system and the fire alert alarm in security HQ, but there were also more immediate consquences. Repair robots, like most of Starfleets equipment, were purchased from the lowest bidder, and, therefore, were not waterproof. They all short circuited. The water also woke up Robert, who had been KOed early on in the fight. He struggled to his feet, then tapped his communicator and activated the emergency distress call, "Help! Send someone important down to engineering," he shouted into it, then raised his hands above his head as he saw how much he was outnumbered. The message was sent to the security department where it was announced at the highest possible volume. Rolin decides that he has seen enough carnage for one day. He grabs the unconscious body of Bob Jones and places him onto the supply cart. He then tells the pitifully few LOYAL security guards remaining that its time for a tactical withdrawal and heads for the exit. Robert was supporting himself against a control panel, as he wondered how to wake up all of the crewmembers. It was then that he spotted a flashing red light on the control panel. He examined it and though about it. "Let's see, red light in section seventy, row five, column six. What does it mean? Oh yes, that means we have to activate the impulse engines or we'll crash into a planet." This last statement had the affects of several cups of coffee and a good nights sleep. "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" he yelled, "I can't start the engines on my own. I need engineers, and Chief Rynder." He glanced at Rynder, who was lying on the floor in a coma, and Mad Mac who was lying on the floor unconcious. A quick check of all the other engineers yielded similar results. A bit of work later with a crane got Rynder and Mad Mac onto a cart, which he started pushing at maximum speed into the turbolift. "Medi-bay!" he yelled. "Turbolifts are inoperable during a red alert," the computer told him. "Computer: Scan history of Engineer Robert" "History scaned. Awaiting orders." "Note number of instances where aforementioned Robert converted a disagreeable turbolift computer into an electronic can opener." "Scanning, seventy such instances noted." "Medi-bay," he repeated, and the doors closed and there was a familiar rumble as the turbolift moved towards the medi-bay. You just have to love artificial intelligence. The situation in the engine room is bleak. Bodies litter the floor, some slump over railings, others in unforgivable positions. Bobby, the head engineer, exits the west wing, while Rolan, the smart security guard, exits the east wing. The war between the engineers and the security guards will forever leave a mark in the minds of those involved.